NATHAN'S PURPLE PROSE CHALLENGE
The Origin of the Challenge
From a post by Julie Czerneda at her sff.net newsgroup:
*Not that he's any less surprised than the rest of you ... heh heh heh*
I hereby and herewith and hereinxdimensions issue the following Writerly Challenge!!!!
The Challenge:
To write, starting with the following sentences, the most purple purple prose that ever oozed from a misguided brain. And, in honour of the upcoming Hallowe'en, it can be as scaaaarry if you like. ;-) (Just keep it so it can be read on the newsgoup, please.)
**
"Smiling Tony" Talliano was the first to quit laughing. That was only about an hour before he committed the murder. A murder of cold-blooded horror. A murder which had less than one slow second of premeditation.
**
(Lest you think I made this up? It's the first paragraph of a book on my shelf. I kid you not.)
And, to sweeten the simmering pot, raise the gilded bar, cheer on the talented masses, there will be a wee something for any entry that manages to also include the following (yes, from the same book - I couldn't help myself.)
**
For the famous smile of Smiling Tony had suddenly become a grin. It was a fixed and frozen expression. It gave him suddenly the appearance of a death's-head. Then it became a horrible, vacant leer.
**
(I know. I'm so cruel.)
Here are the entries for the Purple Prose Challenge
Untitled by G'leep
Oh, Fleeting Muse by Sean P. Fodera
Untitled by Nathan Azinger
Writers of the Purple Prose by MM
Untitled by Michael Brown
T'was a Dark and Stormy Halloween by Jana
The Purple Ass by David Down Under
Untitled by John Mierau
The results of the Purple Prose Vote (from Julie E. Czerneda)
Were as messy as you can imagine! Good Grief, People! 5-way ties are one
thing but ...
The only clear winner was MM for longest vote justification message. Which
wasn't a category but did make me laugh.
Still, a winner had to be created from the mauve-like and messy morass of
mainly marvelous stories. I invoked vast and pretenious editorial powers,
not to mention contemplated a bake sale (Hi Mindy), in order to sort the
votes into some sort of reason.
When THAT didn't work, I resorted to "You Only Win Once" (the next Bond
title, btw. ;-)
1. Most Appalling Use of Adjectives
Winner: Jana for "T'was a Dark and Stormy Hallowe'en ..."
Runner up: David Down Under for "The Purple Ass"
2. Cosmic Train Wreck
Winner: David Down Under for "The Purple Ass"
Runner up: You kidding? It was almost unanimous.
3. If only I could write like this ... NOT!
Yes, there was an unresolvable yet perfectly understandable tie:
Winners:
MM for "Writers of the Purple Prose"
Sean for "Oh, Fleeting Muse"
And a new category: Too Good to Be in this Contest!!!!
Michael Brown for "untitled"
Congratulations all!! And special thanks to Nathan (It was All His Fault)
and Ruth (Cyberspace Can Be Purple)
